Post by Fanny Bones on Jul 5, 2008 8:26:46 GMT -1
Well, I've made list, but you have to take it with a grain of salt. It's not an official list but merely my own jottings neatly typed. To be honest, many times even I am not able to recognise a skit just from the headline I gave it.
Some of the episodes I have are recorded from UKGold and they seemed to have edited them to fit into their schedule. I don't even know if they are in the correct order; and I don't have all of them. I am still short of at least two series.
So the listing is incomplete in many ways, but if you still think it might be of any use to you - here it is:
NOT the complete sketch listing
NOT said:
Alas Smith & Jones s1e01=========================
Bronstein, Police Chiropodist
moderation sell the show to America
Casablanca fat woman
head to head "they don't write lyrics like that anymore"
Maltloaf
Vicar is JL
head to head sperm bank
young executive of the year
head to head crime rate is going up
serious allegation against Seargent
Rich is JL
moderation waving good-bye, some time left
Alas Smith & Jones s1e02
=========================
desert
moderation edit out the sh/
"I won't operate!"
"Wife's still away then?"
"your wife could have a rather nasty accident"
orange juice carton scandal
"Clive this is Roger"
head to head "my Mrs put me on a diet"
patient is JL
moderation nuts hot porn
leaving on donkeys
Alas Smith & Jones s1e03
=========================
hospital "I tried... I tried 15 hours!"
moderation "we should be ourselves"
Moses leads the children of Israel
Mr Harris wants a hair transplant
sumo wrestling report
about television programmes
WWII French vs. Germans
head to head foreign films
chart challenge
police and dead pop star
surgeon is JL
party approach
head to head parties
what's her profession
at the pope's
head to head the pope
another party approach
looking at big houses
Alas Smith & Jones s1e04
=========================
party approach scores 1:1
moderation where do the ideas come from?
first class train
Margaret Roberts Thatcher
skin head in shoe shop
a lot of geflattening going on
two flies
head to head "Every winter is becoming progressively colder."
visitor in a village
head to head real ale
gobbing champion
Alas Smith & Jones s1e05
=========================
George Smiley, British spy
international kitchen ware impersonator
moderation injured
new surgeon outfit
telefoster
head to head "When I was a nipper I was penniliess."
Nigel D'Orleans and Schtum
head to head on millionaires
Sean (?) Taylor coming out of the closet
Chucks dog food
tele discussion about the previous ad
Antique Road Show tea pot
head to head original Rembrandt
head to head near death experience
The Magic of James Galway
moderation announcing bloopers
filming a stabbing scene
Antique Road Show dome shaped ornate porceallan
Valkyrie is JL
head to head car is returned with three wheels
amok husband and local constable
hospital husband died
fade out laughing
Alas Smith & Jones s1e06
=========================
SDP exorcism
moderation keep your integrety in the BBC
Veneral Diseases Clinic
talents
parents' nightmare
head to head skin heads
toilet dealer
The Bores
television presenter is JL
The Cure interview
Spanish Civil War
hairdresser cuts ear
head to head wife swapping party
"this place really gets to you - all the routine, the uniforms, constant abuse"
head to head women's movement
OU half past midnight
Off to bed? Are you safe?
moderation the end of the series; the designer
JL is JL
Alas Smith & Jones s2e01
=========================
inflatable cactus
Talking Point old people
contraception
toilet lift
search of the most rare creature
the old days
moderation society classes
boxer
head to head child birth
Workman's Bum
assault trial
vote for Anthony Barker, your conservative candidate
... intuition of a woman ...
head to head people working at television
Alas Smith & Jones s2e02
=========================
Scum Killer III
Pool Game fan
R5
moderation improvising
vegetarian Hell's Angel
Bruce Springsteen parody
shipwrecked song
head to head grandmother dropped dead
Arthur frankfurter
praying mantis wedding
Sword of Kagnazax
shipwrecked song continued til the end
Alas Smith & Jones s2e03
=========================
jailbreak
moderation engagement
akwardness in antique surronding
police violence
ancient newspaper announcer
head to head WWII
Connie Bachelor
prison visitor
women with a difference
swap roles
starving sailors
the effect of bribing a BBC executive
head to head father during the war
Miss Marple
Dis Lecks Ick Signwriters
head to head new lavatory
Alas Smith & Jones s2e04
=========================
West Side Story
The Trembling Hand
Oliver Reed
comical music
head to head religion
24 hour plumbing
The Wino Programme
not tonight the full moon
judge on long life
PC advert
home made whirlpool bath
moderation terrible news: Elvis Presley is dead.
Czechpoint Charley
head to head Spitting Image
Song We are the has-beens
moderation extended
Alas Smith & Jones s2e05
=========================
Lucky George
moderation Mr Dustin Hoffman
Don't step in the kangaroo nuts
What about...? ;-)
Norton Cum Basset Twin Town Palermo
pollock tattoo
reanimation
head to head drug pushing
French interpreter
Mexican with/without a dime
League Divsion Four
unemployed actor advert
police investigation in the lavatory
unexpected petrol stream
news: Britains involved?
Song Rock 'n' Roll never retires
bum to bum
Alas Smith & Jones s2e06
=========================
An American Armchair in London
moderation Griff has been tied up
smashing driving lesson
the hunt for the hedgehog
NEWS at NINE sung comments
Grange Hill Street Blues
Intermission
head to head quit smoking
"I didn't become a teacher for the money, anyway."
boxing issues and everyfing and all vat
in the cellar
suspicious noises in the woods
head to head who invented smoking?
Skins rule
Song Prestatyn
Night Thoughts
Alas Smith & Jones s3e01
=========================
gas readers
moderation murder
car stunt sketch
AYuShi
theatrical agent for south africa
physical evidence
Middle Eastern correspondent
head to head money
Song mechanics
bomb defusing
say 'no'
bingo?
One man & somebody else's dog
collection or gathering of...
fall into the grave
Fair With Showers Later
Alas Smith & Jones s3e02
=========================
careless with matches
chess contest
dog sex
suicidal discussion
National Alliance Insurance advert
moderation Free Steve Davies
police search
homemade video peeping
Dear BBC...
head to head astrology
payment of BBC reporters
swelling
Song I'm just a minor MP
head to head friday 13th
writer in the dark
big babies in a restaurant
news with subtitles for the militant tendency
after hour session
Alas Smith & Jones s3e03
=========================
writer alone at home
The guard is Mick Shannon
auction
rape questioning
watford supporters
foreign football teams game
head to head holidays
Song motorway maniac
swimming trunks content
moderation charity
plant an embryo into a man's bowel
head to head holiday club
secret meeting
all fields
news loss and gains of jobs in Britain
information about veneral disease
funeral car
information for new parents
Alas Smith & Jones s3e04
=========================
football supporters on a plane
moderation knickers
Britain's ugly children
on training the police the use of fire arms
Union Man by Robin Driscoll
Vorsprung durch Technik
homemade video the day at Eastbourne
Bergicoat Low Fat Paints advert
warning for kids and parents
arts review Look back in a bad mood
head to head Mel is a jury member
OU physical chemistry course
OU sprakken ze afrikaans
Achmed and June - No sex please, we're Iranian!
We've lost Alas Smith and Jones...
moderation attitude to money
idol of an actor
speaker has an erection
Deutsch direkt
Alas Smith & Jones s3e05
=========================
getting ready for the show
judge on exploiting penniless
Mexico 1910
secret meeting again
moderation arts funding
An Actor Prepares No. 8
news interrupted
routine check-up
scuba diver
head to head medical talk
Rank Advertising advert
don't jump
homemade video funeral
latest addition to the drug squad
Song restaurant musicians
announcement for The Mattress By Carla Lane
Alas Smith & Jones s3e06
=========================
Mel gives birth
Ancient Greece Magnus's Taverna
Dulux paint advert
election special
diplomatic immunity
Concerto for String Quartett and Next Door Neighbour
doner
head to head fashion
politician about next election
The Incredible Bullshitting Man
head to head your clothes say something about you
fishing
surviving pilot
police stop
prat
moderation hypnotism
Alas Smith & Jones s4e01
=========================
moderation violence on TV
driving lesson
news iron age finding
oscar winner
army aptitude test
Porno & Bribeasy of the Yard ringing phone and several cases
head to head divorce
the channel tunnel project
kites
one-armed bandit winner
attention to dog mess
In at the Deep End: transplant surgeon
a loonie left
tele dinner
Alas Smith & Jones s4e02
=========================
moderation impersonations
execution
theater sponsorship needed
Porno & Bribeasy of the Yard bringing bad news to the family
newsspeaker looking exactliy like...
stepladder
A Collection of Old Jokes according to Smith & Jones
The millionth shoplifter
Song Paul Simon parody
head to head satellite dish etc.
jet lag
right to reply
memorial event
homemade video THE BAR-B-Q
car advert
sketch set in a city wine bar
Alas Smith & Jones s4e03
=========================
The Sword of St. Petersburg
moderation letter from a viewer
pay the taxi driver
Porno & Bribeasy of the Yard paperwork & "I'm your last policeman"
paid for lying in the sun
sketch set in a job interview room
steam bath crematorium
bird watch
(effix?)
head to head property speculation
plain clothes policeman
crappy tv show
homemade video having a day out
moderation homosexuality
cat advert
chat show (gestures)
Alas Smith & Jones s4e04
=========================
moderation kick off the show with a real bang
rescue drowned man
Porno & Bribeasy of the Yard in pursuit of a suspect
telephone report on Trumpton Raid
child psychiatrist
sketch set in a newspaper proprietor's office
Old Tom advert
head to head Marilyn Monroe
waiting surgeon
homemade video Wife of Dracula
Did you see...?
opening of inner city recreational area
suspect interrogation
member of the cabinet
moderation Smithgriffco
headline rendez-vous
phone ring while partying
Alas Smith & Jones s4e05
=========================
Trev's car
modern art
weather politics
nuclear power plant site
capuccino date
Porno & Bribeasy of the Yard in Spain & torture
head to head the 60s
documentary The Beatles
police brutality
The Video Nice advert
homemade video All about doing sport
moderation BBC payment roll
promotion for Jeffrey Archer
dead actor
deodorant advert
overstaffed BBC
Alas Smith & Jones s4e06
=========================
in the middle of a lake
Night Network weather report
moderation Griff's stand-in
remote controlled toys
on the edge
interrogation with solicitor
Mel Smith at Westminster
advert
homemade video Jaws II
Mel Smith at Westminster 11 minutes later
statesments on child abuse
someone standing at Westminster and it's Mel Smith
soap advert
head to head Mel's back pain
Porno & Bribeasy of the Yard bank robbery & securing No. 10
Mel Smith not in Soho
British Airways steward
Four incredibly brainy people talking late at night on Channel 4
poll on the street?
Mel Smith stands outside a westminstery kind of parliamentary building
The Great Master's wisdom
The person: Mel Smith The place: Westminster
The Ladislau Biro Story
Alas Smith & Jones s4e07
--- missing ---
Smith & Jones 1989
s01e01 - The New Version
=========================
give us your money
police shooting training
flying geese filming
Stanley Rogers
head to head Mel's sick
short children's book
The two o'clock Gilby Vintners novice chase
Gilbert(,) George interview: election
house arrest tag
What do you want to go to London for?!
moderation anniversary
song Bycicle Boys
two blokes who don't need much
airport security check
chief of the brasilian police force
Gilbert(,) George interview: sex scandals
After Closing Time: Bloodsports
Smith & Jones 1989
s01e02 - The Untreated Version
==============================
The London sewers
tooth extraction
found the turtoise
suicice caller
"this grammar" and evryfin
last words on the death bed
head to head emigration
imitator hunt
news: Dustin Hoffman caught
Gilbert(,) George interview: the last Labour government
news: something in the ear
commuting to work
taxi driver pronounciation
moderation Griff's children
song Why did you go
tennis player taking a break
double life
a Salvador Dali in the hall
After Closing Time: Art
Smith & Jones 1989
s01e03 - The Uncut Version
==========================
tribute to film maker
bank robbery alarm
last chance to pee
ward round at the front
head to head addiction
broken car repair
more police officers on the streets
two men alone in space
environmental safe lavatory cleaner
pool billard reporter
moderation Griff's singing talent
song Roger Whitacker,Paul Simon parody
Ten Koniec
Olympus: Daedalus
Thai restaurant
very sad news for the parents of a boy
After Closing Time: The Media
Smith & Jones 1989
s01e04 - The Untouchable Version
================================
Johnson's Syndrome is highliy infectious
mobile phoning on the train
Sunday Times delivery
Two umh men having a meal at the restaurant
life swap
head to head Mel's in love
post delivery strike
scotch on the rocks
badger expert on radio
drug related death
moderation pronounciation
I am Bhanta chief of my people
Arts Satellite Television
massage talk
Olympus: Aphrodite
After Closing Time: Education
Smith & Jones 1989
s01e05 - The Undiscovered Version
=================================
brutal armed robbery
steamy rocking car
communication with the dead
game show attendant
crab meal
head to head rock festival
estate agent on Elm Street
Gilbert(,) George interview: MP pay rise
It's music to my ears
I won the Reader's Digest prize drawer
born without any sense of embarassment
eau'ver priced.
moderation Mel is a funny person
filming a historic love scene
garbage collection
Olympus: Odysseus
arresting for taking out the viral member in public
After Closing Time: The Paranormal
Smith & Jones 1989
s01e06 - The Unprepared Version
===============================
moderation improvise
crimewatch
chicken pox
guess the killer
crisis in the NHS
Gordon and Shirley
head to head think of a simple shape
love in the universe
economy figures by the next election
pet shop
rottweilers of Longleat
moderation how Mel is like
car alarm
Gilbert(,) George interview: politicians behaviour
new bank account
Olympus: Oedipus
After Closing Time: Crime & Punishment
Smith & Jones 1990
s02e01
==================
the womb of an average woman
public bath
Lowlands Police Video Unit
car race pit stop
Black Cab Convention
notes on cast
After Dark: Death
Rail advert
moderation Mel's new flame
song who gives a nuts let's dance
ransom
new paint in restaurant
casino
flirting with a child on the motorway
teacher of Griff's children
shipwrecked
police incident
fighting couple
head to head faking of the organisms
restaurant musicians
leave the womb
Smith & Jones 1990
s02e02
==================
young ladies dressing room
car park opening
passport control
five year inmate
Bobby Bender funeral
World Jukebox: The Gamelan
moderation dressing hip
song inner city garden
HGV positive
formal dinner
anorak group
Stranger in a Bath (Hitchcock film)
old butler
I gave my baby red hot lovin all night long
children's story
letting in Hongkong Chinese
head to head dogs
Gamelan 90s music
table outside
plane emergency
crep on tv
restaurant musicians
Smith & Jones 1990
s02e03
==================
rock star's house
the enigma Warren Beatty
Athens airport
cinema goer
pizza service
talk slow I
"I went to Eton"
After Dark: Sport
baby crying at night
talk slow II
pot noodles
false bottom
moderation hiccup
The London School of Ironing
talk slow III
testicles dropped
Charlie Turner and the Fincham Boys
head to head Frank Sinatra
wedding ceremony
news: Tie Rack
Wembley Stadium
restaurant musicians
Smith & Jones 1990
s02e04
==================
Berkshire countryside
tax debate I
London transport
tax debate II
bury him alongside his mother and father
Egyptian architect
cod war week on BBC
After Dark: The Environment
pest control
tax debate III
car theft prevention
moderation Sunday tabloid
tax debate IV
Trouble Shooter
sound check
head to head impotence
tax debate V
restaurant musicians
Smith & Jones 1990
s02e05
==================
World Cup special
special prizes I
help with a survey
special prizes II
wake up after operation
special prizes III
moderation something politcal
Sports Sat
first dinner with the parents
special prizes IV
news: voice problems
Paco Blancos et Espadrillos di Benidorm
General Juan Pinha Colada
hospital question: have you ever had...
10 pound phone call
Japanes women walking up and down your spine
special prizes V
After Dark: Christmas
new colleague
I am not.. but..
Italian restaurant
special prizes VI
restaurant musicians
Smith & Jones 1990
s02e06
==================
hello Wembley
prisoner's mother baked a cake
Kylie misses her parents
news: Prince Edward's engagement
Picasso unable to pay in restaurant
exam was a piece of cake
Posterias, by Ingmar Berman 1966
Peterborough European city of culture
biblical announcement
head to head getting married again
stage announcement: step back
Amazonian Indians: the forest feeds us...
forced to read
Crimehunt
the latest International Dental Hygenist Monthly
taking a dump
After Dark: Science
family watching juicy video
Woody Allen parody
song Good-Bye to Derek Fry
news: the news you really want to hear
restaurant musicians
Smith & Jones 1992
s03e01
==================
water slide
moderation hangover
50s love scene: put it on
dart wall
head to head hygiene and health products
song windscreen wipers
javelin
spy film parody
family holiday
opera recording
suspicious car in the dark
sewer cleaning
filming sexual harrassment
50s love scene: leg fallen off
mountaineering
qeueing
windscreen wiper
restaurant musicians
Smith & Jones 1992
s03e02
==================
traffic warden
in the bath: Mel's composing
impressive mosquito
in the bath: where's the soap
that's it this week
news: recession is over - is it?
we have your son
moderation sorry
restaurant musicians in concert
retired reporters
in the bath: warm enough
advert new longer lasting fairy
scharade I
unpacked the new hifi
scharade II
men's dressing room
on the market
job interview
mayonnaise making
in the bath: what is that?
Big Baby
putting out chairs for the big event
herald for Caesar
scharade III
row over to Noel Edmunds
head to head Mrs. Wilberforce
in the morgue
restaurant musicians
in the bath: what is this great big lever?
Smith & Jones 1992
s03e03
==================
Your parents going to be staying long?
moderation Mel's four leaf clover
yellow pages advert
Porno & Bribeasy meet Hannibal the Cannibal I
retired reporters
Vaseline Vision presents The Good Lovers Guide
Porno & Bribeasy meet Hannibal the Cannibal II
in the sleeper cabin
song Why can't the French do Rock 'n' Roll
Chief Eagle Eye the knife thrower
Porno & Bribeasy meet Hannibal the Cannibal III
election rally speech
Big Baby
head to head incident in the sausage factory
hindering cyclist
Managing Director Mr. M. Jackson
there's a fly in here
Porno & Bribeasy meet Hannibal the Cannibal IV
restaurant musicians
Smith & Jones 1992
s03e04
==================
Griff can't find his car
Mel's got a cold
punks at a Nazi convention
Mel Smith's Wales
after the car repair
blind passenger on the runway
Wordy Wordy
punks contemplating about isms
sorting letters
PMT
moderation Does Griff trust Mel?
Opinions
Windows witchcraft
at the horse race
giggle around
punks contemplation about fencing
What it says in the papers
used car pice madness
boring football game on tv - or not?
pint of bitter, please
punks again
Griff's treating Mel's cold
restaurant musicians
Smith & Jones 1992
s03e05
==================
I don't care
moderation old traditional folk song
find a parking space
Endangered but delicious
news: Peter Riddle in Bagdad
song 8 items or less
street chandlers I
judge hookers
street chandlers II
food poisoning
Big Baby
street chandlers III
just married
head to head Griff's nightmare
dead body identification
judge: "It's my own hair, actually."
steering a ship at night
street chandlers IV
potentially lethal toys
street chandlers V
eating interviewee
Problem Platform: familiy matters
restaurant musicians
Smith & Jones 1992
s03e06
--- missing ---
Smith & Jones 1995
s04e01
==================
moderation bad microphones
the cameraman from NYPD Blue
police found the man for putting plastic bags on trees
puppy and toilet paper
electric organ salesman
get a tune out of a musician I
news: British gas commercial
sheep sex
head to head satanic rituals in the forest
body search on criminal I
Copraphagus the gladiator
get a tune out of a musician II
body search on criminal II
street thief
body search on criminal III
explanation of band aid
The Borrowers
young french prostitute
the BBC proctology unit
moderation therapy
bar singer
news: political correctness
at the light house
news: apology to Scots viewers
body search on criminal IV
news: weather and preview on next week
Smith & Jones 1995
s04e02
==================
moderation tails
the best way to lift your babies
driving down hookers lane
accept this humble gift...
visit mom at the hospital
news: going to interview former cabinet minister
at the restaurant: which one's the duck...?
towel in the lavy
at the restaurant: who's the fruit cake and who's the tart?
moderation film
in the heart of darkness
ambulance emergency I
weight lifting
son's got arrested
Old Sock Week on BBC 1
ambulance emergency II
pilot may go see the rest of the plane
Vote for Sir Robert Smithe
chance of...
head to head piercing
ambulance emergency III
Mel's "going down in the cellar" behind the sofa
next week... but for tonight something for the ladies
Abridged Jeeves & Wooster
Smith & Jones 1995
s04e03
==================
Missing Link
moderation metal detector
Is your cat bisexual?
Jim Laidlaw at the airport
parchuting
classroom fight
the Björn Borg story - not
the Beast of Blodman Moore
bedroom accident
bird's song
I can't be bothered
improper suggestions to a defenseless woman
stupidity is a world epidemic
stay with us...
Arthur Brown at the airport
head to head Mel's attractiveness
class can't be bothered
ordering in the Japanese restaurant
news: go west
octopus in bathing suit
stock brokers
news: astronomer who claimed the universe was smaller
stark raving mad
Griff's playing drums
next week NHS smiling lessons
moderation ballet
Smith & Jones 1995
s04e04
==================
moderation Griff has stagefright
Griff in Mel's brain
assassin
first time in cheap hotel (room 42)
survey I
technical problems on press conference
I see...
whale song
washing up
survey II
technical problems on execution
head to head adoption
Ugg Gugg Stone Age detective
Quiz: "Are you ready?"
today I invented a pen...
domina
news: weather man stole the weather
head to head surrogacy
following in the footsteps of Ffyona Campbell
technical problems on rocket launch
forgetting names
survey III
snoring Mel
next week we'll be in Edinborough...
goal keeper
Smith & Jones 1995
s04e05
==================
moderation Afghan
head to head
moderation
Smith & Jones 1995
s04e06
==================
moderation Rough Directions
head to head
moderation
Smith & Jones 1997
--- missing ---
Smith & Jones 1998
--- missing ---
